Zuni Cafe

Just like people, restaurants can become confused and sometimes they try to be something they are not. San Francisco’s Zuni Café on the other hand, is not only confused, it shows signs of multiple personalities. Regardless of the identity crisis, the restaurant has been a Bay Area classic for over thirty years. Reservations are hard to come by, and supposedly with good reason. Succulent roast chicken and feather light ricotta gnocchi have made Zuni legendary, and I couldn’t wait to try some.

Cloaked in sunny yellow awnings, the restaurant is housed in a slender triangular building. Some might say the surrounding pawn shops and hustlers add character, although none is needed. You see, inside the Zuni Cafe awaits a whole crew of snotty, in vogue characters, almost as daunting as the drug dealers outside.

When I attempted to notify the host of my arrival, he glared at me as if I was a 14 year old trying to buy beer with a stolen credit card and fake ID. Eventually, he led me and my party to an awkward table in the center of a busy walkway.

The petite lunch menu was strewn with trendy items like house-cured anchovies, Meyer lemon relish, and garlic chapons. The menu also changes daily and proudly states that "Nearly all of the meat, fish, poultry, and produce we serve at Zuni Café is grown or harvested in a sustainable way." I was looking forward to the famed ricotta gnocchi, but perhaps ricotta was not in season, as they were not on the menu.

I was tempted to ask the bartender if I my Kumquat Caipirinha ($10.75) and Fresh Lime Margarita ($10.25) came with free refills and a souvenir glass, because the cocktails alone weren’t worth even five bucks.

I had hope for the orrecchiette with turnip greens, pancetta, and aged Tuscan pecorino ($14.50). Yet upon first bite, I found the little pasta ears to be unpalatably al dente and quite boring. The best part about the hamburger ($15.00) was the garnish: sweet pink onion and spicy zucchini pickles, needed to cut through the fattiness of the meat.

The dessert offerings were just as limited as the lunch menu and unfortunately, just as inconsistent in quality. The whipped cream and fancy French name slapped on the Gateau Victoire ($7.50) did nothing to salvage the dry chocolate cake. The "Piccola meringata" ($9.75) on the other hand was quite elaborate: lime cream sandwiched between thin meringue disks and garnished with pixie tangerine slices and pistachios made for a dessert as lofty as our server.

By the end of the meal it had become clear that there are two sides to Zuni Café. Modest décor, simple food, and cherished history clash with outrageous prices and staff that are convinced they deserve to be waited upon. Maybe you find this type of show exciting, but personally, I would rather see it for free down at Fisherman’s Wharf.

Zuni Café
California Cuisine│1658 Market Street, San Francisco, California, 415-552-2522│$6-$48│Tuesday-Thursday, 11:30 am – 11pm, Friday-Saturday, 11:30 am – midnight, Sunday 11 am – 11 pm. All major credit cards accepted.

Front Burner: Eat trendy food from local farms and people watch all from your table.
Back Burner: Servers act as if running food at Zuni and walking the runway in Milan are equivalent. Don’t forget your wallet! Bring big bills to cover your meal and quarters put in the parking meter.